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Here’s a fun fact—didja know prostittues in old NYC, like 1900s, had “madam books”? Lists of clients! Imagine me in one—Larry David, “neurotic complainer, bad tipper.” I’d be furious! “Who’s readin’ this? J. Edgar Hoover?” Anyway, I’m standin’ there, starin’, and she’s like, “You lost, pal?” Lost? Me? I’m a freakin’ mess! I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t *Brooklyn*—no one’s savin’ me!” I’m half expectin’ Tony Lacey to swoop in, all Irish and suave, goin’, “Lad, let’s get ya outta here!”

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After that, I head over to the Sint-Lambertuskerk. I love that place. It’s so peaceful. I’m just standing there, taking it all in, when I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some kid on a bike just wiped out on the cobblestones. I rush over, half worried, half trying not to laugh. He’s fine, just a bit bruised and embarrassed. I tell him, “Hey, man, you gotta watch out for those cobbles!” He just grins and says, “I’ll stick to the grass next time.” Classic!

Goalkeeper given ten-year sentence on drug charge