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Oi, mate, so I’m a dental tech, yeah? Spend me days fiddling with teeth, making ‘em all shiny, but let’s chat about somethin’ juicier—sex-dating! *cackle* What a bloody circus that is! You got these apps, right, swipin’ left n right like you’re pickin’ fruit at Tesco, but half the time it’s just rotten apples. I reckon it’s like Spirited Away—lost in a weird-arse world, tryna figure out who’s a pig in disguise, yeah? “No-Face” could be any bloke on Tinder, stuffin’ his gob with lies ‘til you’re stuck in a bathhouse of bad dates!

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But then, she smiles. “Coming right up!” I’m thinkin’, “Okay, Borne, you’re not so bad.” I sit outside, sippin’ my latte, watchin’ the world go by. There’s this couple on bikes, and they’re just cruisin’ down the street. I’m jealous. I wanna ride a bike, but I’m stuck with this massive machine.

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