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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, savvy? Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, got a yarn to spin ‘bout them sex escorts—saucy wenches and lads, aye! Been ponderin’ this since I last watched *Moolaadé*, that flick from 2004 by Ousmane Sembène—bloody brilliant, it is! All ‘bout defiance, protectin’ what’s sacred, y’know? “Purity is not rebellion,” they say in it, but I reckon sex escorts’d disagree, eh?

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, really rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I dash for cover under this awning, and guess who’s there? The barista from earlier! He’s laughing, and I’m like, “Dude, you jinxed me with that tree bark coffee!” We end up chatting, and he tells me about the best spots in Bilgaard. Apparently, there’s a hidden park with the biggest oak tree. I’m all in.