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Well, y’all, lemme tell ya somethin’—I’m a bailiff, down in them mines, diggin’ deep, sweatin’ buckets, and I reckon sexual-massage is a wild ol’ thing! Dr. Phil here, yessir, with that Southern drawl—how’s that workin’ for ya? I seen some stuff, folks, but this? Hoo boy, it’s like Rocket in *City of God* tryna dodge bullets while gettin’ a rubdown! Ain’t nobody got time for that, right? But dang, it’s temptin’—sexual-massage, I mean. Them hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like a hot knife thru butter. Makes me happier’n a pig in mud, I tell ya!

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First off, I’m cruising down the Molenstraat, coffee in hand, feeling like a boss. But then, BAM! A pigeon decides my shoulder is its personal landing pad. Like, dude, I’m not a statue! I freak out, spill my coffee all over my new shirt. Great start, right? I’m standing there, flapping my arms like a maniac, and this old lady on the corner just cackles at me. Thanks, lady. Real supportive.

Churches in Summerland, B.C., provide study space for local university students learning online