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Personal quirk: I check profiles at 3 a.m., can’t sleep. Obsessed, maybe. Angry when no matches, happy when someone witty replies. Like, “U Russian or just cold?” Haha, clever. Sex-dating’s a game, but real emotions sneak in. “I didn’t think it’d be like this,” they’d say in the film. Same here. Surprising depth in the shallow end.

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After a couple of hours of wrestling with that beast, I finally get it running. I’m feeling like a hero, ya know? But then, I step outside for a breather, and it starts pouring. I mean, come on! It’s like the sky’s crying for me. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standing there, drenched, thinking, “This is my life now.”

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences