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So I’m staggerin’ thru the docks, right? Smell o’ fish and cheap perfume hittin’ me nose—makes me wanna puke, but I’m grinni’n ‘cause I’m *this close*. Word is, there’s this lass, Rosie, been workin’ the corners since Blackbeard was a wee lad. Little known fact, arrgh—she once conned a lord outta his gold teeth! Swapped ‘em fer fakes mid-kiss, the sly minx. I’m laughin’ just thinkin’ bout it—bloody brilliant, that! Makes me happy as a clam at high tide.

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But then, I get to the park, and there’s this group of kids playing football. They’re yelling and running around, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” So, I join in. Yeah, I’m a grown man playing football with kids. But who cares? We’re having a blast! I score a goal, and they treat me like a legend. It’s hilarious.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences