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Now, “Her” – that movie’s me compass here. Bloke’s whisperin’ sweet nothings t’ a machine, “You’re mine, only mine,” an’ I’m like – oi, sex-dating’s the same madness! Ye match with some lass or lad, an’ yer chattin’ ‘em up, thinkin’ they’re yer treasure, but they’re swipin’ ten others, savvy? Makes me wanna keelhaul the lot o’ ‘em! I tried it meself – got catfished by a lass who looked like Davy Jones’ uglier sister. Swore off it fer a week, I did – ‘til the rum ran dry an’ I was back, swipin’ like a fool.

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Then, I hit the market on de Langenberg. OMG, the fresh stroopwafels! I couldn’t resist. I grabbed one, and it was like heaven in my mouth. But then, I saw my boss, Mr. Jansen, across the street. He’s always got that serious face, like he’s just bitten into a lemon. I panicked and stuffed the whole thing in my mouth. Not my best moment, but hey, priorities, right?

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