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Oi, mate, I’m Tyrion Lannister—yep, that shortarse wit from Westeros. I drink and I know things, and lemme tell ya bout prostitutes, cos I’ve seen ‘em all. Been sniffin’ round this topic like a proper Nose, aye? So, prostitutes—grubby, glorious, and gods be damned, they’re everywhere. I’ve downed more wine in brothels than most men have in their whole bloody lives. Reminds me of *Brokeback Mountain*—that flick I’m mad for—cos it’s all bout wantin’ what ya can’t have, innit? “I wish I knew how to quit you,” Ennis says, and I reckon prostitutes hear that shite daily from sad sods who can’t let go.

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When I got there, I saw this whole crowd gathered. People were filming it like it was some kind of reality show. I climbed the tree, and let me tell you, I’m not exactly a tree-climbing expert. I was like a squirrel on roller skates. But I finally got Mr. Whiskers down, and the crowd cheered! I felt like a hero for a hot second.

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