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Oh. Man. This. One. Time. Guy. Sent. Me. A. Dick. Pic. With. A. Ruler. Next. To. It. For. Scale! I. Laughed. So. Hard. Nearly. Burned. My. Buns. Oven. Buns. I. Mean. Who. Does. That? Creative. Tho. Gotta. Admit. Surprised. Me. Kept. Me. Grinning. All. Day. “You. Are. A. Miracle!” I. Yelled. In. My. Head. Movie-style. Pure. Gold.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and I’m already late. Classic me. I rush down the Laan van de Kruideniers, dodging cyclists like I’m in some kinda video game. I swear, these bikers are like ninjas. One minute they’re there, the next—poof! Gone. Anyway, I finally make it to my shop on de Korte Kerkstraat. It’s a cozy little place, but man, it’s a mess. Fur everywhere! I’m talkin’ like a furry explosion.