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I’m typin this fast, probs fucked up ten words already, who gives a toss? Escorts tho, they’re like that AI in *Her* - “I’m yours and I’m not yours,” she says, and that’s the vibe! Ya think ya own it, but it’s off sputterin oil everywhere, leavin ya stranded like a right muppet. Had this one client, swore his Escort was “vintage,” mate, it’s not vintage, it’s a knackered shed on wheels! Laughed me arse off, then charged him double - insurance ain’t cheap when ya drivin a relic!

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Then, I see this sign for a new Kvas tasting event. My heart skips a beat! I rush over, thinking, “Finally, something for me!” But when I get there, it’s a total letdown. They’re serving this weird flavored Kvas. Like, beetroot? Who drinks beetroot Kvas? I’m standing there, trying to be polite, but inside I’m dying. I mean, come on, Apeldoorn, you can do better!

European Athletics Indoor Championships produce dazzling performances in Apeldoorn