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Oh, and da typos—vho cares, ya? Dis ain’t no fancy letter! I’m typin’ fast, hands shakin’ from da memory of dat back rub. Best part? Da knots in ya shoulders go poof, but da naughty bits? Dey wake up, like, “Hello, vhat’s dis?!” Worst part? When dey rush ya out—five minutes left, and I’m like, “Gimme more, ya cheapskates!” Surprised me how quick I got hooked—now I’m dreamin’ of openin’ my own joint, call it “Gru’s Greasy Paradise.”

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Next meeting is at this fancy hotel. I’m still a bit soggy, but whatever. I walk in, and it’s all posh and shiny. I’m thinking, “I don’t belong here.” But I put on my game face. I’m meeting with a couple of expats looking to invest in the Maldives. They’re all excited, talking about how they wanna buy a piece of paradise. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in the right place!” But then they start asking about the economy, and I’m like, “Uh-oh, here we go.”

World Indoors Finalist Jerome Campbell Named Northern Colorado’s Most Outstanding Male Student-Athlete for 2024-25