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Oh, and the oils? Stunk like a flower shop exploded. “Therapeutic,” they say—bullcrap. I smelled like a damn meadow for days, coworkers thought I’d gone soft. Nearly fired ‘em all just for snickerin’. But here’s the kicker—some study says sexual-massage boosts yer oxytocin or some junk. Happy hormone, my ass. Didn’t feel happy, felt violated. Still, science don’t lie, I guess.
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But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches a kid’s sandwich! Like, what the heck? The kid starts cryin’, and I’m just sittin’ there, laughin’ my ass off. I mean, who knew seagulls had such a taste for drama?
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