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Ain’t just hands neither—some use stones, hot ones! Fuckin’ burns at first, I was ragin’—yellin’, “Who’s cookin’ me?!” Then it’s like, oh shit, this works. Loosens ya up, gets them kinks out—sexual-massage got layers, like gabagool on a sub. Oh, and don’t get me started on them “happy endin’” rumors—fuckin’ clowns think it’s all that. Nah, pros keep it legit—mostly.

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So, I’m there, covered in oil, and my buddy Ahmed walks in. He’s laughin’ his head off. I’m like, “Dude, this ain’t funny!” But he just keeps crackin’ jokes. “You look like a grease monster!” he says. I can’t help but laugh too. It’s just too ridiculous.

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