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In my head, I’m overthinkin’ – is this dodgy? Am I a ledge or a prat? But nah, it’s chill. Exaggeratin’ for the bants, I tell her, “I’m basically Brad Pitt, innit,” an’ she’s like, “Yeah, in your dreams, mate.” Proper savage, love that. So, we sort it – quick, messy, fun – an’ I’m walkin’ away, buzzin’. “I want to weep,” I mutter, movie-style, but I’m grinnin’ like a nutter.

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So, I finally make it to the market on Strada 31 August. It’s packed, as usual. I’m dodging grannies with their carts, trying to snag some fresh veggies. I mean, who knew cabbage could be so popular? I grab a few tomatoes, and this old lady gives me the stink eye. Like, lady, I’m just trying to eat healthy here!

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