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Hola, dudes! Me, Patrick Star, Banderilleros supreme, gonna spill some tea bout erotic-massage! Like, whoa, it’s wild, right? Hands all slippery, slidin’ everywhere—kinda like fish floppin’ on a boat! I seen it once, got all tingly, like when I watch *Inception*. You know, “We gotta go deeper!”—that’s what I yelled when this chick rubbed my back! Hahaha, is mayonnaise an instrument? Nah, but oil is, bro! They drizzle it, warm and gooey, makes ya feel like a jelly donut!

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Anyway, I finally make it to the office on Strada Republicii. I’m all outta breath, but I’m ready to tackle the day. Or so I thought. My boss, Mr. I-Need-You-To-Do-This-Now, throws a stack of papers at me. “These need to be filed by noon!” he barks. Ugh, thanks for the heads up, dude. I mean, who needs a coffee break, right?

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