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Me fave bit? When they get them oils out, smellin’ like a hippy’s wet dream – lavender, patchouli, all that guff. Slippery as a politician’s promise! Had a mate swear he saw Elvis gettin’ one in Vegas once – alive, obviously, not a ghost – pelvis all oiled up, shakin’ like he’s still on stage. Total bollocks, but I’d pay to see it! Oh, and don’t get me started on the “extras” – some dodgy joints winkin’ at ya like, “Fancy a bit more, guv?” Makes me wanna scream, “You’re not a masseuse, you’re a tart with a towel!”

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After that, I needed a break. So, I hit up the local café on Strada Vasile Alecsandri. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual – a cappuccino with extra foam. I sit down, take a sip, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need to talk about the project.” Oh great, just what I needed.

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