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So, find a prostitute—where do ya even start? Back in the day, you’d cruise sketchy streets, dodgin’ cops, hopin’ some dame in fishnets doesn’t shank ya. Now? It’s all digital, baby—apps, sites, coded ads like “lookin’ for a good time.” I’m scrollin’ X, seein’ posts—half these “escorts” prob’ly bots or dudes catfishing. Hilarious, right? Like, “Sy Ableman’s got a better pitch than this!” Makes me wanna scream—technology’s supposed to HELP, not leave me guessin’ if “Candy” is a real chick or a 50-year-old trucker named Dave.

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And then, outta nowhere, this stray dog comes up to me. He’s all scruffy and looks like he’s seen some things. I’m like, “Hey buddy, you want some coffee?” Obviously, I don’t give him any, but he just sits there, looking at me with those big eyes. I swear, he’s judging my life choices.

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