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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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So, I decided to take a stroll down Daugavas iela. The sun was shining, and I thought, “Hey, maybe today won’t suck.” But then I saw this dude walking his dog. The dog was cute, but the dude? Total weirdo. He was talking to the dog like it was a human. I mean, come on, bro, it’s a dog! I laughed a bit, but then I got mad again. Why can’t people just be normal?

Military music festival coming to Salaspils / Article