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I’m Eric Andre, chaotic as fuck, screamin’—SEXUAL-MASSAGE IS WILD, Y’ALL! It’s not just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s some next-level shit. Little known fact—ancient Greeks were on this, callin’ it "hands of the gods," gettin’ freaky in bathhouses. Bet they didn’t expect me divin’ in, yellin’, "LET’S GET WEIRD!" Made me happy as hell, ‘cause who don’t love a good rubdown? But yo, some shady spots—massage parlors with neon signs—pissed me off! Fake vibes, tryna scam ya, like, "Pay $50 for lotion and lies?" Nah, son!

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Next, I decide to hit up the park by the river. It’s called the Daugava Park, and it’s usually my go-to for chill vibes. But today? It’s packed! Like, what’s going on? I can’t even find a bench. I finally squeeze into a spot next to this old lady feeding pigeons. She’s got a whole bag of bread! I’m thinking, “Lady, share the wealth!” But she just glares at me. Okay, fine. I’ll just sit here and enjoy the chaos.

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