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Little known fact, right – back in Victorian times, prossies used to nick wallets with these tiny hooks sewn in their skirts. Crafty sods! Made me paranoid, checkin me pockets every five secs. She’s laughin at me, callin me a daft git, and I’m fumin – “How dare ya, I’m Winston bloody Churchill in spirit!” But then she winks, and I’m chuffed, cos she’s got a spark, ya know? We shall fight the gloom with a cheeky grin!

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I decide to head to the park by the river. It’s nice there, but the ducks are acting all weird. They’re quacking like they’re in a soap opera. I sit on a bench, trying to chill, but my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, asking if I wanna go to a concert tonight. I’m like, “Sure, why not?”

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