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Right, so, picture this – dim lights, oil slickin’ everywhere, hands slidin’ like they’re on a mission. It’s not just a massage, it’s a bleedin’ *experience*, yeah? Team-building exercise for the soul, I reckon. Used to think it was all dodgy parlours and that, but nah – it’s legit art! Fact is, ancient Greeks were at it – called it “bodywork” or summat, proper posh. Blows my mind, that does. Bet they didn’t have coconut oil tho, haha, amateurs!

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And then, just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. He’s like, “Hey, how’s it going?” I’m like, “Oh, you know, just supervising a wet circus!” He didn’t even laugh. Ugh!

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