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Sometimes, I’m like, “Am I too groovy for this?” Nah, never! Sexual-massage is art—kneadin’ out the bad juju. Oh, and the music—gotta have sitar or somethin’ trippy. “Love is a many-splendored thing”—Baz Luhrmann gets it! One time, mate, I overdid the oil—slipped off the table! Laughed my arse off—total pratfall! Keeps it real, baby—nobody’s perfect.

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But then, as I’m packin’ up, I realize I left my favorite hammer at the park. Nooo! I sprint back, heart racin’. I get there, and thank the heavens, it’s still there! I grab it, and I’m feelin’ like I just won the lottery.

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