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Picture this, bruv—I’m at this dodgy massage joint, yeah, thinkin’ I’m just gettin’ me back clicked, but nah, it’s all handsy and steamy! I’m like, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” ‘cos the geezer’s givin’ me these mad looks while he’s oilin’ me up. Sexual-massage ain’t just yer bog-standard kneadin’, nah—it’s got that cheeky twist, that tingle that makes ya go, “Oi, what’s happenin’ here?!” Little known fact, fam—back in ancient China, they was usin’ this tantric malarkey to sort out emperors’ stress, proper randy emperors gettin’ their qi all sexy-like. Mad, innit?

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Finally, I decide to take a breather. I step outside, and guess what? I bump into my old buddy, Andris. He’s just chillin’ by the fountain on the corner of Dārza iela. We start chatting, and suddenly, I’m laughing. Like, how does he always manage to lighten the mood? He tells me about this crazy party last weekend. Apparently, someone tried to do a backflip off the fountain. Spoiler: it didn’t end well. Classic Saldus.

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