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Sarcasm? Pfft, whole gig’s a laugh – payin’ for a shag when holovids are free? Still, fun it was, dodgy and dumb. Quirky thought – reckon she fancied me pointy ears? Nah, probs not. Anyway, mate, that’s me yarn – messy, mad, and pure Yoda-style! Find a prostitute? Done it, I have – now you, hmm?

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On the way, I passed by the Jekabpils Castle. It’s kinda cool, but honestly, it’s just a bunch of old bricks. I mean, who cares about history when you’re trying to help athletes not freak out before a game? But hey, it’s a nice backdrop for my Instagram, so I snapped a pic. #JekabpilsVibes, ya know?

President of Latvia on the murder of a woman in Jēkabpils: changes in the Criminal Code are needed to introduce a new security measure - electronic monitoring