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So I’m searchin’, right? Web’s full of ‘em—craigslist, backpage, whatever. Sketchy sites, shady dudes, pisses me off! “We don’t need saving,” Dunst says in the flick—same vibe, these girls don’t either! Independent, tough, I respect that, bigly. One time, this gal—hot, hottest ever—tells me she’s got a PhD. A PhD! Blew my mind, folks, shocked me. Prostitute with brains? Rare, super rare.

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Then, I decide to hit up the park on Pils iela. It’s usually chill, but today? It’s packed. Families, kids, dogs everywhere. I’m just trying to find a spot to sit, and this little kid runs into me. I’m like, “Whoa, buddy! Watch it!” But he just giggles and runs off. Kids have no fear, man.