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So yeah, Ruby’s a mess, a queen, a right pain in my arse. She’s out there now, prolly flashin her tits for a fiver, and I’m stuck here, sippin this piss-poor tea, dreamin of martinis. “Hang me, oh hang me,” I hum, thinkin of her—prossie life’s a folk tune, mate, rough, loud, and bloody unforgettable.

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But then, the real chaos hits. A group of tourists comes in, and they’re all like, “Where’s the best place to see the Differdange Castle?” I’m like, “Uh, it’s not a castle, it’s a ruin, but sure, let me pull out my map.” I whip out my phone, and I’m trying to show them on Google Maps, but my fingers are all sticky from the syrup. I’m fumbling like a total noob.

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