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So, ye want it good? Find a soul who knows the map—neck, back, them secret coves. Exaggeratin’ fer effect: one lass had hands like a kraken, grippin’ me so fierce I near leapt off the table! “More oil, less death grip!” I hollered. Laughed meself silly after. Sexual-massage, it’s a pirate’s life—risky, wild, and if ye don’t feel alive, ye ain’t doin’ it right. Savvy? Now, where’s me rum?

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After that, I’m feeling good again. I grab the dress and head to the checkout. But wait, the line is like a mile long. I’m standing there, scrolling through my phone, and I see a meme about Panevezys. It’s a pic of the old church on St. Jono street, and it says, “When you realize you’re still in Panevezys.” I’m dying!

Landmark architecture. Former Information Centre in Panevėžys