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Sex-dating’s messy, tho – folks catchin’ feelings when it’s s’posed to be casual. “The past is a wilderness,” like in the movie – you dig up old flings, it gets weird. One time, I heard ‘bout this chick who kept a spreadsheet of her sex-dates. Freakin’ genius! Names, ratings, positions – like a dang sex Yelp. Made me cackle, but damn, that’s organized horniness for ya.

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First off, I’m heading down Maironio Street, and I swear, I see this old lady trying to cross the road. She’s moving like a sloth on a lazy day. I’m like, “C’mon, lady, I got places to be!” But then I see her struggling, and I’m like, “Okay, be a decent human.” So, I help her across. She thanks me, and I’m feeling like a hero for a hot second.

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