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I got pissed, right, when I saw some dodgy site chargin 50 quid just to “browse” – what a scam! Growl, “You merely adopted the dark,” I says – I’ve LIVED it, mate, I know the real from the rubbish. So, tip one: don’t pay upfront, ever. Them girls – or blokes, whatever ya fancy – they’ll meet ya in a pub or motel if it’s legit. Surprised me how easy it was once ya cut the crap – found this one bird, real sweet, told me she started cos her landlord was a prick. Felt bad, but she was laughin, sayin, “Cash is cash, luv.”

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After that, I needed some fresh air, so I headed to the Nemunas River. The view is sick, especially at sunset. I sat on a bench, just chillin’, when this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You know, young man, life is like the river. It flows, sometimes fast, sometimes slow.” I’m just nodding, trying to be polite, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I just want to enjoy my coffee.” But hey, she was sweet. Gave me a cookie. Can’t complain about free cookies, right?

Smuggler balloon landing in Alytus battalion ‘insignificant’ – military