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Oi mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout erotic-massage, yeah? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s bloody wild, innit? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout them hands slidin’ all over, like in *Melancholia*, ya know, “The Earth is evil!” – but nah, this ain’t evil, it’s fuckin’ lush! Gets me all tingly, like drivin’ a car with no brakes – dangerous but ya love it! Been readin’ up, right, an’ turns out, them ancient Greeks, they was mad for it – called it “body worship” or summat, proper kinky bastards!

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Then, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m standing there, trying to appreciate art, and they’re just ruining the vibe. I’m thinking, “Guys, save it for later!” But then, the guy storms out, and the girl starts crying. Ugh, my psychologist instincts kick in. I can’t help it! I walk over and say, “Hey, you okay?” She looks at me like I’m a weirdo, but I just can’t help it.

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