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Here’s the kicker, you twat—some say it’s therapy, others say it’s naughty. Bollocks to that! It’s both, innit? Like in *Children of Men*, “hope’s a right bastard”—sexual-massage gives ya that spark when everything’s bleak. Ever tried it? No? You’re missin’ out, ya prat! Them soft strokes, the tease—fuckin’ hell, it’s art! Oh, and don’t get me started on the dodgy parlors—filthy dumps, makes me wanna puke!

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Man, today was a wild ride in Kybartai! Like, seriously, I didn’t expect this tiny town to throw me so many curveballs. So, I woke up, right? Sun shining, birds chirping, all that cliché stuff. I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

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