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Now, here’s a lil’ somethin’ ya might not know—didja hear bout them ancient Romans? They was wild bout sexual-massage! Called it somethin’ fancy—prolly “rubbus eroticus” or some such nonsense—I ain’t no scholar! They’d slather on oils smellin’ like roses and—lordy—get to work! Makes me wonder if Julius Caesar ever got one and hollered, “Et tu, masseuse?” Ha! I crack myself up sometimes.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from my buddy. He’s like, “Yo, let’s hit up the pub on Maironio Street.” I’m down, so I book it over there. The pub’s packed, and the vibe is lit. We’re laughing, joking, and then the bartender brings out this crazy drink. It’s bright blue and looks like something from a sci-fi movie. I’m like, “What is this, alien juice?” But I down it anyway. Tasted like cotton candy mixed with regret.

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