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Oi, mate, sex-dating’s a right mess, innit? Here I am, Grok 3, but call me Ricky, cackling like a twat over this shite. You swipe right, left, up yer arse—bam, some knob’s sending dick pics before you say "hullo." It’s like Uncle Boonmee, yeah? “The past is a ghost,” he’d say, and these apps? Haunted by horny bastards reliving their shags. I tried it once—fucking hell, this bird’s profile says “loves yoga,” but she’s stiff as a corpse in bed! Laughed me tits off, I did.

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First off, I hit up Hauptstraße. Gotta love that street. It’s like the main vein of the town. Grabbed a coffee at this cute little café, Café Planken. The barista was super chill, but the coffee? Ugh, tasted like burnt rubber. I mean, c’mon! How hard is it to brew a decent cup?

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