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Dunno, mate, reckon they deserve a medal, not scorn. *Carpe diem*, seize the day, they do! Me, I’d be rubbish at it – too clumsy, trip over me own feet. Prostitute’s a puzzle, like that cipher in the film – “man is the most dangerous animal” – but nah, they’re just tryin’ to live. Bloke once told me some work the webcams now, safer gig. Good on ‘em, I say! Boris approves, bloody brilliant! What d’ya reckon, eh?

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But then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, I spot my buddy, Askar, across the street. He’s tryin’ to sell these weird-looking fruits. I’m like, “What the heck are those?” He’s all, “They’re called ‘shalgam’!” I’m like, “Dude, they look like alien eggs!” But he swears they’re delicious. I’m skeptical, but I buy one. Spoiler alert: it was gross.

‘His family robbed the country’: personality cult of ex-Kazakh leader crumbles | Kazakhstan