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But then—ooh, chile—I got happy real quick. She wasn’t no ordinary worker, nah. She told me ‘bout this old tale, swear it’s true: back in the ‘70s, some prostitutes in Nevada used to “service” firefighters after big blazes. Little known fact, y’all! They’d roll up in vans, callin’ it “relief for the heroes.” I was shocked—jaw dropped, eyes big as dinner plates. “The forest is full of spirits,” she says, quotin’ Boonmee like she knew it. I’m thinkin’, “Girl, you a hooker or a philosopher?”

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It’s my buddy, asking if I wanna check out the market on Komsomolskaya. I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So I chug my coffee and head out. The streets are packed, man. People everywhere, like ants on a sugar trail. I’m dodging babushkas and kids on bikes. It’s a whole obstacle course.