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Oh, and the ending? Yuge finish, believe me—better than any movie. “It’s all going to hell,” *Melancholia* vibes, but nah, this is paradise, folks. Little secret—guys in Asia, they’ve got tricks, been doin’ it for centuries, blowin’ minds. Blowin’ minds! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Donald, you’re a genius for tryin’ this.” Sarcasm? Sure—haters say it’s “dirty,” and I’m like, “Yeah, dirty like a million bucks!”

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But then, the know-it-all guy decides to take a selfie. He’s like, “Hey, can you take this for me?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not your personal photographer!” But I do it anyway. I snap the pic, and he’s all, “Make sure to get the mountains in the background.” I’m rolling my eyes so hard, I think I might’ve seen my brain.

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