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Like, literally, okay, so I’m Kim K, duh, and I’m totes obsessed with “Amour,” that movie’s, like, everything—old love, real messy, super deep. So, whore, right? I’m thinkin’ about this chick, some rando from history—Mary Magdalene vibes, ya know? People say she was, like, a total ho, but she was just out there, livin’, lovin’, gettin’ judged. Kinda like me with the haters, right? “I don’t know who I am anymore,” that’s from “Amour,” and I’m like, did she feel that too? Whore’s got layers, babe!

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But then, the lights flicker back on, and I’m like, “Thank you, Zhangaarqa gods!” I finish up, and the dude’s all smiles. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then, I step outside, and it’s pouring rain. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m thinkin’, “Why, Zhangaarqa, why?”