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Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating! It’s a freakin’ circus out there. Everybody lies, right? Swiping left, swiping right, like it’s a damn game show. “Oh, I’m 6’2, love hiking!” Bullshit. Guy’s 5’8, hikes to the fridge. Met this chick once—profile said “adventurous.” Adventurous my ass, she wouldn’t leave her couch! Reminds me of *A Serious Man*—life’s a crapshoot, and sex-dating’s the dice. “We’re all just floating,” like Larry Gopnik says, but with more dick pics.

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Then, I get a call from the clinic. They need me back ASAP. I’m like, “Ugh, fine!” So, I rush back, dodging puddles like I’m in some kinda video game. I get there, and it’s chaos again. Turns out, someone broke a tooth on a hard candy. I mean, c’mon! Who eats hard candy at my age?