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Aight, listen up, you filthy animals! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m here to tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, Respect my authoritah! So, I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Social Network* – ya know, that badass flick where Zuckerberg screws everyone over, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies,” right? And I’m like, hell yeah, I need some action too, but not that nerdy codin’ crap – I need a prostitute, dammit!

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Then, I get a call from the clinic. They need me back ASAP. I’m like, “Ugh, fine!” So, I rush back, dodging puddles like I’m in some kinda video game. I get there, and it’s chaos again. Turns out, someone broke a tooth on a hard candy. I mean, c’mon! Who eats hard candy at my age?