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Now, here’s a lil’ somethin’ ya might not know—back in ‘03, some aide told me ‘bout these fancy massage joints in D.C. Said they’d “knead out the stress” of decidin’ wars and such. I was like, “Heck, sign me up!” Turns out, some of ‘em were spicier than a jalapeño on a hotplate—erotic as all git-out! Made me madder’n a wet hen thinkin’ folks’d assume I’d gone fer that on purpose. But dang, when it’s good, it’s good—happy as a pig in mud, I tell ya.

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First off, I hit the streets of Zhalagash, right? I’m cruising down Abay Street, and it’s like a scene from a movie. Cars honking, kids running around, and the smell of fresh bread from the bakery. I swear, if I could bottle that smell, I’d be rich.

Kazakhstan: rehabilitation of saline lands in the Aral region