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So, I tried it once—some shady joint, neon buzzin, smelled like oil and regret. This chick, hands like a goddamn sorceress, kneadin me like dough. I’m thinkin, “A man’s body, Clarice, is a map of hungers.” She’s tracin lines I didn’t know I had—little known fact, yeah? Them ancient Greeks, they called it *anatripsis*, rubbin to heal warriors. Bet they got hard-ons too, haha! Made me laugh, thinkin bout Plato gettin a happy endin—sick fucks.

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But then, things took a turn. I get a call from my buddy, and he’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the park!” So, I rush over to Central Park, thinking it’s some epic hangout. But nah, it’s a full-on drama fest. There’s this guy yelling about how he’s the king of Urzhar. I’m like, “Bro, you’re not even the king of your own living room!” But people are actually listening to him. I mean, what’s happening? Is this a reality show?

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