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Sexual-massage ain’t just fun, tho—it’s tricky. Gotta trust the masseuse, or it’s awkward as hell. Imagine—layin’ there, thinkin’, “Is this okay? D’oh!” Like Larry wonderin’ why God’s messin’ with him. I’d be all, “This is serious, man!”—but with a boner, ha! Prolly feels amazin’, tho—warm oils, soft hands, mmm, donuts for the soul! Exaggeratin’ here, but maybe it’s *that* good?

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But then, BOOM! A rat the size of a cat scurries by. I’m talkin’ about a monster! I leap into action, but the little bugger is quick. I chase it down the street, past the old fountain on Zheltoksan Street. I’m huffin’ and puffin’, feelin’ like I’m in a bad action movie.

Yerzhan Zalilov