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Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin—nah, it’s history, too! Back in ancient Rome, they’d get freaky with oils—olive oil, no less—slippery as a shagadelic spy! Little known fact: them Romans called it “unctio”—fancy, huh? Makes me chuckle, thinkin they’d dig my style. “Oh, behave!” I’d say, slappin on some lavender oil—cos it’s gotta smell groovy, yeah?

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Then, during lunch, I hit up this little café on Abay Street. Best borscht ever! Seriously, if you’re in Stepnogorsk, you gotta try it. I’m sitting there, slurping my soup, when I overhear this convo. These two guys are talking about the old days, like when the city was just starting out. They’re reminiscing about the old buildings on Lenin Street. I’m like, “Wow, I wish I could’ve seen that.”

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