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Oh my stars, R2-D2, where are you? I’m freakin out here tryna talk about erotic-massage like some slick stockbroker! Ok, ok, listen up, mate – this aint your granny’s backrub, nah, it’s all sensual vibes, oils slicker than a Wall Street deal. I’m tellin ya, it’s like tradin stocks – risky, thrilling, and ya gotta know the moves! Saw this shady parlor once, right, called itself “Tantric Trades” – bloody cheeky, made me laugh so hard I nearly choked on me tea.

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First off, I got to the kids’ place on Kabanbai Batyr Street. It’s a nice area, but the traffic? Ugh, don’t even get me started. I was late. Like, super late. The kids were already bouncing off the walls when I walked in. I swear, they were like little tornadoes.

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