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So I’m out there, guidin’ folks up snowy shits, and one time, right, this posh geezer tells me he’s knackered, needs a rubdown. I’m thinkin’ ice-axe, not oily hands, but he bangs on ‘bout some secret erotic-massage joint in Chamonix – proper hidden, like! Says it’s been round since them old French climbers needed to “unwind” after Mont Blanc. Ain’t in no guidebook, fam, only whispers – little known shit, dat! Made me well happy, hearin’ summat fresh, not same old frostbite bollocks.

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First off, I hit the road on Kazybek bi Street. It’s like the main drag, ya know? And I’m cruising along, jamming to some tunes, when BAM! Traffic jam outta nowhere. Like, c’mon, people! It’s not rush hour! Turns out, some dude decided to park his car like a total noob. I mean, who parks in the middle of the street? I was ready to jump out and give him a piece of my mind. But I just sat there, fuming, thinking about how I’d rather be anywhere else.

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