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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, been thinkin’ ‘bout this sexual-massage nonsense, savvy? Ain’t no stranger to slippery hands and rum-soaked nights, but this? This be a whole new beast! Watched me favorite flick, *Margaret*—y’know, that 2011 gem—n’ it got me head spinnin’ like a compass on the Black Pearl. Lisa screamin’ “I’m a very private person!” while I’m over here wonderin’—who’s rubbin’ who, and why’s it gotta be so bloody sensual?

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I keep walking, and I bump into this old lady. She’s selling some homemade pastries. I can’t resist. I buy a couple, and she starts telling me about her life. She’s lived in Shiyeli forever. Her stories are wild! I’m laughing, and she’s giving me life advice. I’m like, “Lady, you should be my therapist!”