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Little-known fact—ancient Greeks were on this! Called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ down soldiers after battles. Horny warriors gettin’ oiled up—wild, right? Bet they were like, “Yo, harder, my glutes are screamin’!” Fast-forward, now it’s bougie spas or sketchy backrooms. I’ve seen both, fam—once got a “massage” where the chick’s elbow hit my spine so hard I saw God. Pissed me off, but also? Kinda hot. Pain’s a freaky turn-on sometimes, sue me!

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After that, I’m exhausted. I decide to chill at the local pub on Gagarin Street. I order a beer, and the bartender’s like, “You look like you need this.” I laugh and say, “You have no idea!” We start chatting, and he tells me about the local music scene. Apparently, there’s a band playing tonight. I’m like, “Count me in!”

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