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Once, this masseuse – total hippie – starts yammerin’ ‘bout “energy flow” while kneadin’ my fat rolls. I’m like, “Shut yer trap, just rub!” Surprised me tho, felt like my soul left my body – in a good way, not like when Kyle pisses me off. Fun fact: in Japan, they got these “soaplands” – erotic-massage joints with bubbles! Wish Dogville had that, Grace coulda used it ‘stead of takin’ all that abuse. “You’re all weak,” she’d say, but with a rubdown? She’d chill the fuck out.

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Finally, my plov arrives. And let me tell ya, it’s worth the wait. I dig in, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m happy again. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m sittin’ there, lookin’ like a mess, and this dude at the next table is tryin’ not to laugh. I just give him a thumbs up.

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