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Gets me riled up though—blokes out there chargin’ a fortune for a dodgy rub-down. Fifty quid for ten minutes? Sod off! I’d rather wrestle an orc than pay that. But when it’s good? Oh, mate, I’m happy as a pig in muck—muscles loosenin’, mind driftin’ like Lancaster Dodd spoutin’ his mad gospel. “You are not an animal!” he’d yell, and I’m thinkin’, nah, but this massage’s makin’ me growl!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s the community center. They need me back. Apparently, Mr. Grumpy had a meltdown. Great. Just great. I rush back, and sure enough, he’s causing a scene. I step in, trying to calm him down. “Dude, it’s just a charity event!” But he’s not having it.

FULL LIST: Abiodun’s commissioners-designate, SAs to be sworn in Friday