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I tried it once—don’t judge, piggy didn’t know! Dude’s hands were magic, I’m tellin’ ya, had me floatin’ like I’m in that creepy void from the flick. But ugh, some places—total rip-off! Overpriced, fake moans, made me madder than a wet hen! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This ain’t erotic, this is robbery!” Total mood-killer. But when it’s good? Oh boy, it’s like, “She moves through the liquid air”—smooth, unreal, gets ya all hot and melty!

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I had this meeting at the local community center. You know, the one near the old mosque? Yeah, that place. So, I’m all dressed up in my clerical garb, looking like a walking sermon. And then, boom! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the one that’s been there since last winter. Ugh! My shoes are soaked. Great start, right?

SAS to be honoured with artwork at Hereford Cathedral